What is there

There are no tears because of the self control taught to the mind for years. There is no fear because there is a lot to learn still. There are no regrets because there are a lot of mistakes to be made still. There is no clarity because clarity is based on realizations. There is nothing to say because I am a listener. There is no trust, because there might not be a future. What there is, is silence.

My encounter

She could have been my Grandma's age, had my Grandma been still alive. I don't know what made her feel so recognizable but the moment I saw her walking towards me I smiled at her. She was baffled I guess to see a stranger smiling at her from a distance on this not-so-friendly planet. But we did manage to sit together and talk. Her words expressed the bitter experiences of her life and struggles she was still dealing with at her age. It must be God's plan, as I know it, to meet her. There has to be a purpose, I thought. She told me not to wear a black nailcolor because it brings a negative energy to me. At that time I was very intimidated by her. She even took my number. I was hesitant first because I thought she might call and I wasn't too sure if I wanted to be friends with an old woman with problems! We parted our ways. But the time passed, the days passed. I would still sometimes give her a second thought. But just some days ago I saw her again. Getting down from a car, she could barely walk. Her foot was plastered and she was heading somewhere. At first, I was cautious she might see me. But what the troubled woman was looking for was certainly not me at that time. In a strange way, that did made me a pinch sad. I wished she would look for me. That she could see me. And I could pass another smile at her, and perhaps, talk a little bit more.

Spideritis!

I saw a tiny little spider crawling on my mountain-like hand..on usual occasions I would squash it. But for some reason I decided to observe it instead. As I played with her emotions by offering her to climb from one finger to another, I made my own conclusions on the life of a spider. That tiny being doesn't know I am watching it. It just moves in the same speed all the time, only pausing to turn if I disrupt its way. What is her purpose in life? Is it just walking? She is all by herself on a strange place and she doesn't even know she can be squashed any second by me. She doesn't know she is being watched. What would be her fears like? Would she be fearing death? would she fear being alone? Or is she looking only for her mate on this gigantic endless world? What would it be like to be a spider instead!
5-02-12

I am Music

If I was music. For one day I could get into the shoes of music and feel what it feels. I would be hopping on notes it calls its own. They would then be me. I would be so versatile that I could be produced from anywhere. A knocking on the door, a tapping of the foot, a hum coming from the mouth. I would be everywhere and a part of everyone's life! Without me, life wouldn't exist! Oh such power...I would be someone's inspiration, someone's love, someone's ecstasy, someone's companion, someone's grief, someone's hatred. But I would always exist in some form in everyone's mind, heart, soul. Won't I be the happiest then! I would never be ignored, never alone, never needful, never affected by the human emotions. But I would just see it and feel it in everyone. It won't touch me but I will do all I can do to serve the one who needs me. But you see, I am what I am. No more, no less. There will be no one to rule over me. I am confident and content. Competitive, yes. But fearless. Because I know nothing can replace me. What a feeling.

My diaries

Its funny how we think we choose our own diaries. But in fact its the diaries that choose us. The one that becomes ours gets to know who we are and what we believe, our inner secrets and fantasies, desires. We put all our trust and faith in her (its almost another living being, our best friend). We tell her every little detail of our mundane routine. She patiently hears all our gibberish. But is it really a faithful friend? Can it really belong to someone? A diary can never be biased. It is not, it can not be owned. It will always be the master of its own will. It will reveal your trusted secrets to anyone who is fond of her! It doesn't think of consequences. Actually, it doesn't think at all! It is peaceful and calm. After all its the only open book.

Change

Its not what changes about you. Its what changes before you that effects you. What changes inside of you is very insignificant because you see the change gradually. You are experiencing it and hence it loses its presence (sudden presence). But what changes in front of you is a new image, a new experience, a new picture. You see it as a sudden appearance, a shock. It creates a much larger impact in your mind.

A woman

Today as i was traveling by a shared means of transport after a long long time, I met different people as we always do. I could not help but notice the lady sitting diagonal to me with her eyes wide open, perhaps in fear, perhaps it was worry. She was staring at her thoughts and ocassionally shaking her head in, i believe, disbelief. She often shut her worried eyes for a few seconds, praying to God. She glanced at the young man sitting next to her every now and then and would shake her head and murmur to herself. Her fears i could not understand. But it made me forget my own. And all the time I was looking at her I prayed to God to take her worries away. She was to me a woman with so much strength that as she gulped down the tears that surfaced in her eyes, back to her heart, she didn't utter a sign. She is my inspiration of strength and fight.