What is there

There are no tears because of the self control taught to the mind for years. There is no fear because there is a lot to learn still. There are no regrets because there are a lot of mistakes to be made still. There is no clarity because clarity is based on realizations. There is nothing to say because I am a listener. There is no trust, because there might not be a future. What there is, is silence.

My encounter

She could have been my Grandma's age, had my Grandma been still alive. I don't know what made her feel so recognizable but the moment I saw her walking towards me I smiled at her. She was baffled I guess to see a stranger smiling at her from a distance on this not-so-friendly planet. But we did manage to sit together and talk. Her words expressed the bitter experiences of her life and struggles she was still dealing with at her age. It must be God's plan, as I know it, to meet her. There has to be a purpose, I thought. She told me not to wear a black nailcolor because it brings a negative energy to me. At that time I was very intimidated by her. She even took my number. I was hesitant first because I thought she might call and I wasn't too sure if I wanted to be friends with an old woman with problems! We parted our ways. But the time passed, the days passed. I would still sometimes give her a second thought. But just some days ago I saw her again. Getting down from a car, she could barely walk. Her foot was plastered and she was heading somewhere. At first, I was cautious she might see me. But what the troubled woman was looking for was certainly not me at that time. In a strange way, that did made me a pinch sad. I wished she would look for me. That she could see me. And I could pass another smile at her, and perhaps, talk a little bit more.

Spideritis!

I saw a tiny little spider crawling on my mountain-like hand..on usual occasions I would squash it. But for some reason I decided to observe it instead. As I played with her emotions by offering her to climb from one finger to another, I made my own conclusions on the life of a spider. That tiny being doesn't know I am watching it. It just moves in the same speed all the time, only pausing to turn if I disrupt its way. What is her purpose in life? Is it just walking? She is all by herself on a strange place and she doesn't even know she can be squashed any second by me. She doesn't know she is being watched. What would be her fears like? Would she be fearing death? would she fear being alone? Or is she looking only for her mate on this gigantic endless world? What would it be like to be a spider instead!
5-02-12